some dork

commentary on topical minutiae

Dork Rag - Sept 9, ‘08

volume 1, issue 2

Dork Rag #2

So I’m going to keep going here with the Dork Rag. My own variety, non-weekly, whenever I feel like it, publication. As stated before, this thing is going to evolve over time. I’ll settle down on something I’m comfortable with, but expect lots of experimentation for the indefinite future.

Current Events

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ohio voter fraud deja-vu

While driving home today (gotta love the 90 mph commutes out here in Montana) I heard something that raised the hackles on the back of my neck.  NPR had a segment on worries about the voting situation for the upcoming election in Ohio.  The entire segment again made me ask what the hell is the matter with this country?  

Ohio 2004 saw blatant in your face disenfranchisement, clearly visible to anyone with a television.  I am still baffled to this day why mainstream journalists didn’t do any sort of investigation, let alone ask any hard questions.  Only the “fringe” journalists did any real work, and naturally they were marginalized effortlessly, shouted down and laughed at on the regular circuits.  

In case you are struggling to remember that night, let me toss you a refresher.  TV cameras in the large, urban voting precincts in Ohio showed lines around the block and in the rain.  Voters had to wait four hours or more to cast their ballots (almost all of which went for John Kerry).  Naturally, suburban districts (almost all of which went for George Bush) had 15 minute waits.  Is it that hard to ask why this happened across the board?  Is it that journalists are afraid what they might uncover?

Alright, enough of that.  Like it or not, that is the past.  If you are really curious about this, I highly recommend you watch the movie.  However, I’m more concerned about the present, this election.

The proposed solution in the NPR segment was to encourage voters to vote by mail (i.e. absentee ballots).  Overlooking the fact that absentee ballots are by far the easiest to spoil, this is hardly the correct solution to the problem.  The solution, you Ohio nimrods, is to GET MORE VOTING MACHINES AND MORE ELECTION OFFICIALS ON STAFF.  Stop wringing your damn hands and do something.  It’s called democracy, how about Ohio participates in it this year?  And if they don’t, mainstream press, how about YOU DO YOUR JOB and expose this election fraud for what it is.

Regardless, I’m going to offer the first five dorkders that contact me a special offer.  I’ll bet you 2:1 odds that Ohio goes for McCain this year.  I’ll cover up to $50 (meaning you put down $50, and I’ll pay you $100 if Obama wins Ohio).

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hadron collider powers up tomorrow, destroys earth

Way back in the day (i.e. 400 years ago), an Italian scientist named Galileo built a strange contraption in order to closer observe the night sky.  His invention and subsequent scientific observations touched off a scientific revolution.  Theories were proven and disproven, and mankind began to observe the universe through increasingly complex instruments.  The lastest generation of which will be introduced tomorrow.

Under the Alps, the Hadron Collider will continue Galileo’s legacy and help us further understand this universe God has made.  The parallels to the telescope are quite interesting.

Just like with Galileo’s discoveries, there is a certain amount of fear and hysteria associated with this new fangled technology.  Galileo had the Inquistion to deal with, and our modern equivalent is the courts.  Despite the hysteria, the collider is going live.  Dorks such as myself are leaning forward in anticipation.  There are potentially some huge theories of physics about to be revealed in the next few months.  The telescope opened up a whole universe (pun intended) of discovery, and this collider is set to do the same thing centuries later.

Do not take my word on its importance, listen to the greatest scientist of our generation.  My favorite website spawned by this instrument to date: Has The Hadron Collider Destroyed The World Yet Dot Com.

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Political Commentary

So the far left has its panties in a bunch about Sarah Palin.  It is my opinion they are seriously ducking the fog here.  Congratulations to McCain for introducing something into the political discourse that has the Dems totally distracted from the fact that he has nothing to offer than another Bush term.

The attempts to demonize Palin border on the absurd, and the left is looking like a bunch of hysterical morons with pitchforks here.  Some of the choicer (and patently false) claims of the past week:

- She tried to ban books.

- She pushed creationism in public schools.

- She cut funding for children with special needs.

- She is a former member of the Alaskan Independence Party (which espouses secession from the United States of America)

- She is a pit bull with lipstick (oh wait, that’s her claim).

The list goes on and on.  The Washington Post today was dissecting her reimbursements she and her family received as the governor of Alaska.  The Huffington Post, the leading liberal blog, has been nonstop Palin accusations for the past 10 weeks.  

Enough.

You are hurting your own cause, and lowering the discourse, and frankly embarrassing your candidate.  I want Obama to win, and I’m not going to be able to convince rational people that he’s the man when my voice is drowned out by this irrational Palin witch-hunt.  

I suggest simply leave the woman alone.  She’s a political lightweight, and is clearly unfit for the job of Vice President.  The average political Joe can see that.  There is no need to point out the obvious.  Stop trying to make her withdraw from the race, as much as you want it to be, this is not a Harriet Miers situation.  

Unsolicited Advice

lance armstrong

Ok dude, we get it.  You’re a stud.  I’m awfully sorry that when you retired the world kind of stopped paying attention to your narcissistic ass.  But seriously man, you gotta know when to quit.  However, you do not, and you will not listen.  Just like all those other athletes that went out on top.  It is becoming a cliché, the superstar that just can’t hang it up.  Lance is the next in a long line apparently.

Actually, I would be inclined to root for you Lance, if you weren’t such a douche bag.  Why don’t you un-retire from being an asshole?

Tech Tip

I am going to cheat on this week’s Tech Tip and invoke poetic license and drop a homonym on you hapless dorkders.  

My tip of the hat goes out to Richard Garriot, aka, Lord British.  Not only did this guy entertain me for countless hours in the 80’s with the Ultima franchise, he’s placing Steven Colbert’s DNA in orbit.  Lost yet?  Let me back up.

Richard Garriot is spending his tech-acquired fortune like any proper geek would do.  He’s forking over a lot of bread to let the russians take him into space.  One of the projects he’s undergoing while weightless is to place human DNA into orbit.  The idea is a “just in case” scenario.

When humanity ends up ultimately destroying itself, the alien tourists that discover our ruins centuries later will have a blue print to resurrect our hapless species.  Basically, we’ll be Jurassic Park’d, but without the shitty Michael Crichton narrative.

Way to go Lord British, you may just save humanity.

Memewatch

Sort of a dry spell for memes.  However, two have caught my eye.

First, an image thread cum video that is a mashup of lolcats and Metallica.

Second, a pretty decent rickroll from an Australian school.

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